How to Be Happier by Reshaping Your Personal Narrative

7 min readDec 9, 2020

As humans, stories are all we know. The art of telling stories spans every culture, regardless of time period or place. Making sense of your own life experience through storytelling is a part of being human.

The concept of a ‘personal narrative’ refers to the way we internally process our lives, linking events together in an attempt to create meaning and find patterns in who we are. This kind of internal storytelling becomes a major part of our lives from early adolescence, and the way we reflect internally on the past shapes us to such an extent that it influences how we experience subsequent events. We become the authors of our future based on our previous personal narratives.

If we are authors of our future, wouldn’t it be beneficial if we could become editors of our past? If we could reshape our personal narratives to move towards the future as the best and happiest possible version of ourselves?

Research says we can. The act of telling stories is beneficial to our mental wellbeing, and the way we construct our personal narrative influences our future outlook and actions. Whilst the events of the past may be behind us, there are ways we can rewrite our internal storyline to maximize current and future happiness.

Embrace storytelling for improved mental wellbeing

The act of sharing things that happen to you in life is linked to better mental wellbeing. (The time you fell flat on your face at a public function in front of all those people? Probably wasn’t as embarrassing as it was in your mind).

The insight provided by a listener shapes your view of events and changes your perspective of them. This kind of storytelling involving the feedback of another person is the basic premise that talk-therapy functions on.

The act of telling stories to other people also reinforces the events of our lives to us, improving the coherence of our own personal narrative. Those with more coherent and structured internal stories about their lives have been found to experience more positive personal growth over their lifespan.

To apply this idea for yourself, start with opening up about past events more to close friends or family. Even the act of being more open with yourself about life events through an activity like journaling or recording a video diary can help you reframe your personal narrative.

To most improve your mental wellbeing, your focus should be on restructuring the events of your life to include more self-control. Viewing a negative past event as something you were strong enough to overcome through your own personal strength puts you in control of that episode of your life story. The theme of self-control in inner personal narratives is linked to improved wellbeing and happiness over time within therapy patients.

The bottom line: telling your story in your own way gives you a sense of power, and space to grow into the best future version of yourself.

Become more positive by altering the themes of your story

In interviews conducted with individuals aged 30 and above, researchers found a strong correlation between how they remembered details of major life events and their current mental wellbeing.

Those individuals more likely to suffer from low moods often recalled events with an emphasis on the negative aspects. That milestone birthday party was tainted by the memory of a spilt drink staining the carpet. That first date with their future spouse was magical, but they still arrived 20 minutes late. Even the best memories had negative details that the less happy individuals were unable to forget.

In contrast to this, researchers found that the happiest of the adults interviewed viewed events in their lives through themes of redemption and second chances. They missed out on a place at their dream college but had an incredible experience at the place they ended up at. They experienced a traumatic breakup, but gained a renewed sense of independence and opened themselves up to more fulfilling relationships.

The happiest of those interviewed often mentioned that they felt lucky or ‘protected’ in life, as though some mysterious force of serendipity was driving everything that happened to them. Those with the best mental wellbeing were also found to be more likely to tell stories about people in their past who had a positive influence on their lives.

To become more positive about your future, start by restructuring the themes of your life story. When you think back to key events, what do you focus on? Is there a negative aspect that always stands out in your mind? Or did the difficult times open up new beginnings and opportunities? If you always view the past in a negative light, it could be time to consciously change your focus on the things that happened to you.

Putting a positive spin on difficult events in the past is linked to a better outlook on the future and what to expect from it. Make sure your personal narrative surrounding your past is as focused on the good outcomes in your life as possible.

Change your story’s narrative perspective for optimum happiness.

The perspective with which we view and focus on our past selves has also been found to influence our future behaviours and personality.

In an experiment with students who felt they were socially awkward, researchers had participants recall an embarrassing memory in either first or third person, viewing their past selves as a separate individual. Those who thought in third person found that they reflected on themselves as more significantly changed for the better. In other words, they found themselves more psychologically opened up to growth in who they were.

The study participants were then secretly observed in a waiting room afterwards, with a different researcher playing the part of another interviewee. Those who had recalled their memories in third person were found to be more sociable and open with the other researcher than those who had directly relieved their memories in first person.

Seeing your past self as a separate person to who you are at the present moment, gives more room within your personal narrative for growth, leading to positive behavior changes. By restructuring the perspective you perceive the actions of your past self from you can positively influence your personality and outlook on the events of your life.

Even the simple act of writing in third person is likely to help the way we perceive past memories. Seeing your past self as a separate person may help you practice a little more self-compassion and improve your overall wellbeing and happiness.

Takeaways:

Talking about past events helps with mental wellbeing, as it allows us to gain an alternative perspective a renewed sense of control regarding who we are. Practice putting yourself in control of how you tell stories about your life.
When reflecting on past life events, focus on what you gained from experience, or solely on the positive aspects of it Those with the most robust mental wellbeing are found to focus on themes of growth and redemption in their personal narratives.
Thinking about the events of your past in third person can help you practice more self-compassion and better perceive how you have grown as an individual. This opens you up to positive behavior changes, and an overall healthier sense of self.

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How to Be Happier by Reshaping Your Personal Narrative

Embrace storytelling for improved mental wellbeing

Become more positive by altering the themes of your story

Change your story’s narrative perspective for optimum happiness.

Takeaways:

Written by FastladyUS